by Diego Morra
“Why are my advisers telling me that my defense panel can’t hoover up evidence to destroy the manufactured evidence of the prosecution? They cannot convict me, a firm believer in amor fati and a devotee of divine design, since that would subvert Fate and render God’s mission for me. We have spent years to stall this impeachment canard and still these advisers are warning me that these mindless senators, or at least 16 of them, na hindi pa nga bayad sa utang na loob nila sa akin at sa aking pinakamamahal na tatay, ay susuwayin ang aling entitlement sa pagiging pangulo ng Pilipinas?
“I am writing this Note to Myself as a stirring denunciation of a Senate, backed up by Communists, Marcos loyalists, Kakampinks and even the Lavender Forces, that has lost its mind and believed the lies crafted on the basis of falsified documents confirmed by commercial banks that have long plotted my downfall for the simple reason that I have championed the interest of the poverty-stricken millions who have never tasted sushi in Ginza or worn Nike sneakers (they call them trainers in the UK) to make them better athletes) and certified Dead na Dead kay Sara (DnDkS) supporters, and they who would not magdidildil sa Beluga caviar to civilize their taste. Truth has no choice but to be on my side…. well said by a rabbi who also consulted the kabbala and confirmed that celestial maps, and the planets’ widdershins orbits reaffirmed by ineluctable march to Malacanang.
“My advisers may be corpulent, or renegades, or not even remotely shackled to objective reality but I am starting to doubt whether they really believe me rather than my deep pockets. They are starting to look like fair-weather Donald Trump friends, pang weder-weder lang talaga, and have not read that those with little faith eventually sink to the bottom of the Sea of Galilee. People who don’t trust and obey me deserve eternal damnation along with those who persecute me at the Senate. My enemies are so mean that they are now resorting to getting their evidence using generally-accepted accounting principles (GAAP), which is foul since no one is allowed to prosecute the one whom God has groomed to lead the Philippines out of the quicksand.
“This country is the second best on the planet, of course, since Israel is the chosen land peopled by my fellow Jews. It is the duty of Gentiles to serve, and even die, for the Jews, no matter if the original proponents of Zionism were atheists like me. We are still on the hunt for Amalekites, whom Yahweh wished to destroy despite their having descended from Noah. They have disgorged tons of philippics against me, impeaching me for purportedly stealing from the national coffers. I have been born rich and rich women do not steal. The Marcos Jr. regime has engaged in sullying my reputation, accusing me of being a ‘total failure’ at DepEd, forgetting that I did not volunteer for the job since I was a cinch for the defense portfolio. It was Marcos Jr. who failed since I was a square peg in a round hole and he knew it. I wanted the Department of National Defense (DND) and when Marcos Jr. did not appoint me, the department went to the dogs. Arf, arf!
Thousands of classrooms were not built and repaired and only three Last Mile schools were established. Blame the staff and Atty, Michael Wesley Poa for it. I cannot possibly supervise the construction of classrooms and school buildings since that would interfere with my other tasks—which is to create a critical mass of support through the 13 satellite offices and three extension offices for my march to Malacanang and touch base with the community of nations in the event Marcos Jr. admits his indolence and incompetence and howls ‘Ayoko na! Sara, saklolohan mo ako! I have already shown Marcos Jr. what genuine leadership means by getting money from China for my foundations and helping Beijing somehow to win higher approval ratings in surveys, with more than 80% of our compatriots hating China.
“Those who are preventing me from wresting the country’s political leadership through the expediency of impeachment are denying the millions of impoverished Filipinos their only chance to become prosperous and enjoy rice at P19 per kilo, along with reduced prices for imported foodstuff. My expensive but durable Nike shoes were purchased precisely to serve me well while criss-crossing the archipelago and explaining to the people what F*ck Silica means. More than P500,000 for the shoes and nearly P290,000 for world-class sushi are a small price to play for ennobling the nation and delivering extraordinary diplomatic work, possibly including a doable resolution favoring China on the dispute over the Spratlys and some maritime features
“The woefully detained Sen. Rodante Marcoleta actually had a genius solution to the dispute with China: Just surrender those features so China can live happily ever after while I practice my Mandarin. Not a bad quid pro quo that could attract billions of dollars in investments. never mind if Xi Jinping failed to deliver when my father was president. But then, all of this may not come to pass because Malacanang is working hand-in-glove with the forces of evil that have not produced a scintilla of evidence to prove that I committed graft, plundered the national treasury, amassed P817.87-million in wealth unreported in our annual Statements of Assets, Liabilities and Net Worth (SALNs.) My beloved husband is being subjected over his banana chips gig that earned foreign exchange for the country and employed two superworkers to reduce the unemployment rate.
“They are raking me over the coals for collecting P81,000 from Davao City in 2023, with P2-million more for the succeeding two years but they could be considered delayed pay for work done. There is also nothing wrong with owning Jollibee franchises, along with the banana chips pf Cale88 Foods that have become a big hit in Hong Kong and China. There is no law that bans Sara Zimmerman Duterte Carpio from organizing security agencies, owning fast food outlets in Metro Manila and even trying to supply food for my defense lawyers and staff at the expense of the Senate. But the ugliest attack is the claim that we spent P11.35-million for dental fillings. Delicate royal teeth deserve the best care available. As to the multiple bank accounts and joint accounts with my father, I am constrained to seek the help of the Mossad in ferreting out the names of those who opened them. Shukran.”#
